Have you ever volunteered for something without thinking?
About a month ago, a lady posted in one of the business groups of which I am a member. She was asking if there were any female entrepreneurs in the groups who might be willing to help her out with some photos. Hers is a lingerie business. Covid had made organising photo shoots with models impracticable. So she asked for volunteers to take selfies in her products.
Muggins here put her hand up.
It was only after we’d exchanged emails that I thought about what I was actually volunteering for.
Eek! I’d signed up for photos of me on the internet, in my underwear.
My brain started running through the usual monologue. It always starts with “you’re too fat“. This time it was quickly followed by “shame about that covid 10 you put on“.
As the selfie photo shoot went on, it also became crystal clear that my house is not in any way instagrammable. I have terrible lighting in every room, and too much clutter to be able to pretend otherwise!
Of course, what this all stems from is a fear of being judged.
Let’s face it, when you take photos of yourself in your underwear and send them anywhere electronically, they’re out in the world. People will see them, and people will judge them.
And then I remembered the great truth about other people’s judgement. It is entirely my choice whether to be bothered or not by the opinions of others.
I was enjoying the notion of being able to add “lingerie model” to my catalogue of jobs. The lingerie is lovely and for the first time in ages, I felt sexy wearing it. I wanted to do this for me.
The Brucie Bonus
Claire, our lovely lingerie entrepreneur, wrote something for her website that she shared with us in the models group. It was all about the importance of the message we pass to our daughters.
I try to catch myself before I say things about weight and size in front of my 9 year old. I try to remember to frame things I want to change in terms of having more energy to play with her, and being more flexible for taekwondo. Sometimes I slip up and the old words come out. She picks me up on them and tells me I’m beautiful.
Sometimes though she asks me why her thighs are fat. They’re not fat, at all. I try to remain unemotional and explain that she has a bigger muscle group in her thigh than in her calf. What I hear is that my perfect daughter looks at herself and sees flaws. It breaks my heart.
I will do whatever I can to help her see herself as the wonderful and enchantingly perfect creature she is. Even if it means I have to undo years’ worth of negative self chat, and see it in myself too.
So at the age of 43, in my real life glory, I am now a lingerie model.
How are you showing yourself the love?
How do you talk about yourself? And how do you talk to yourself? Are you gentle and kind, compassionate and loving? Would you speak to your daughter the way you speak to yourself?
There’s always room for more love in the world. The depth with which we can love, and be loved by others, is determined by the depth with which we love ourselves.
Until next week Xx